Family

HAIKAST VIII – Gardening 201

It’s hard to accurately describe how big my parents’ garden was when I was a child.  I remember many summer days working with them to dig rows, plant seeds, weed and harvest.  It was home to many vegetables, most notably the corn that my dad loved to grow and the green beans that I wasn’t as fond of. But just as the corn towered over my single digit self, the garden also spread wide to be as big as any that I knew.  To my eye, perhaps only my dad’s parents’ garden in rural Green County, Indiana was larger.

Whatever the dimensions, it was large enough to plant in me a seed of understanding and a desire to want to have my own garden.   

I am excited that this year I only spent $10 on my entire vegetable garden thanks to a combination of saving seed packets from last year, harvesting my own seeds, trading plants with friends, getting seeds from the public library seed share program, and allowing volunteer plants to find their way. A package of brussel sprout plant plugs and a seed pack of green beans was my only expense for a massive harvest this year. It may seem counterintuitive, but the more involved with plants I have become, the less I have had to spend on their cultivation. 

For people who did not grow up around the cycle of planting and harvesting, I can imagine that gardening may seem like a risky gamble into struggling with unkempt weeds and frustrating neighbors.  Depending on your property, a garden can be a public hobby and, if you aren’t sure of your motivations or confident in what you are doing, may invite embarrassment at the site of perceived failure when the harvest doesn’t seem worth the effort.

What I can tell you is this – the more that I have gardened, the more I realize that I don’t do the gardening for my diet, property value, public relations with my neighbors, or to fill my time.

I garden for the plants and for the non-human life that benefits from the presence of diversity on my property. 

Yes, all of the former that I mentioned are definitely benefits for me as well.. I will be the first to raise my hand to say that a late spring harvest of salad greens or a  long awaited late summer watermelon are among the most savory and sweet moments of my year.   

In the garden, beyond the abundance of harvest, there is also death.  The use of herbicides, forgetting to water during dry spells, the mildew that may get hold of my squash before maturity, and all kinds of other unforeseen events may create less than ideal conditions of growth. The natural lifecycle of plants and insects, and, of course, rabbits’ appetites, will inevitably dash one’s ideal harvest dreams.  I have more than once accidentally pulled a maturing desirable plant in my hasteful weeding endeavor on a hot summer evening. It doesn’t take too long to cope with death in the garden – both intentional and unintentional.

This seasonal lifecycle welcomes my presence in this entire drama, especially with native plants.  The ultimate goal of a balanced, thriving environment around my home is my care and attention.  That is why I do my best to restrain myself from pulling plants that migrate to parts of my yard where they were not originally planted. Rather than dumping fertilizer at a fixed location, I let them show me where they want to grow. I figure that they know better than I do what conditions work best for them – small changes in sunlight, moisture, soil type and neighboring plants play a big role in what will thrive and what will falter. Knowing this, I do my best to work with the plants to let them exert their preferences, rather than me enforcing mine. 

I have a perhaps too cautious concern for the use of fertilizers and anything that ends with the suffix “-ide”, so I rely on my time to be the best determiner of what grows and what dies.  So I watch, learn, and plan for the introduction of new plants and successional plantings to keep the bees busy. I want to attract other flying friends – whether it be birds or other insects, butterflies – by the diversity of plants in my yard, so they remain curious to come back year after year to see what I am up to on my little corner of the planet. 

My relationship with those creatures is what inspires me much more than trying to impress my neighbors. I do keep a reasonable order about my designs, but the primary rationale of my gardening and the outcomes that I care most deeply about are focused on if the birds and bees feel invited. My pro tip to those who want to get a little more adventurous with gardening is to keep the mowed areas edged very well so people can tell that you take great care of the lawn portions of the yard.  

People often ask me how I spend so much time outside and not worry about getting stung. The funny thing is, the only sting I have received over the past decade was from a wasp that wasn’t happy with me entering my back door. 

Best fertilizer
Shadow of the gardener
Care of dirty hands

HAIKAST VII – Opening

My basement stairs now have the “Rips Room” letters that I, Eric Rippy Riddle, inherited from my grandfather, Amos Harlen Rippy. The letters hung in the same formation from his home in Tell City, IN throughout my young life.  It is an honor to walk down my stairs and remember the familiar walk down my grandparents basement steps. 

My grandfather was a quiet man.  Growing up, the things that I most identified with my grandfather were:

  • His stable presence in all of my big life’s moments

  • He worked most of his life at the Tell City Chair Company

  • He owned a golf cart at his local course and played all the time

  • He absolutely loved St. Louis Cardinals baseball

  • He was responsible for hanging the witty sayings and announcements with the black plastic letters on the church sign

  • He stopped smoking in the early 1980s when I asked him why he smoked (I have little recollection of this, but it was often stated at family gatherings)

  • He was in the Air Force in World War 2

The family called him “Pop”.  His friend’s called him “Rip.”

In 2013, Pop was my last grandparent to die.  I was close to all 4 of my grandparents, but Pop’s quiet nature was overshadowed by my grandmother who showered love, attention, and lots of cookies on me. His quiet presence was one of solidarity, but not as much what I would call intimacy. It felt like there was something that I didn’t know about him and wasn’ sure how to find out.

The funny thing is that I did not cry at the funerals of my other grandparents. I also did not speak at those funerals. I did both the day Pop was buried.

His funeral is easily the most memorable for me.  I remember standing on the cemetery hillside, listening to the playing of Taps and getting an overwhelming feeling of what I can only describe as being opened.  I was compelled to begin writing poetry that I described as “openings”.  I wrote this after Pop’s funeral: 

Today, Pop was buried
Next to my mother’s mother
Sunny, windy on top of Tell City
My son watched the old man fold the flag
Red, White, Blue described
I stood in the tent, feeling an opening
A generation is gone
My mom, dad, aunt, and uncle said their goodbye
At the church, I took the Kleenex
And mumbled through 8 tissues
I said death is a myth
and my grandfather is alive

Pop lived 68 years after he flew over Tokyo in 1945.  It took me until 2022 to realize that my grandfather was part of Operation Meetinghouse. The air raids over Tokyo on March 9th and 10th in 1945 are considered the deadliest air raid in human history.  With a firestorm that killed nearly 100,000 people, the napalm burned a quarter of Tokyo to the ground.  While the atomic bombs get the attention, it was the Operation Meetinghouse air raid that my grandfather participated in that took the most human life.

His generation fought the most lethal war in human history. Pop embodied the conflict that horrifies and amazes all who study that time in human history.  I can not imagine the psychological anguish – whether felt or stuffed into his unconscious that he must have experienced. I wish I could have known more and spoken to him about that time in his life.  

I wept the day I pieced together the dates of Operation Meetinghouse with what my brother had discovered in Pop’s journals. While it did not feel like a family secret, this realization was an unearthing of family history that has been life altering to me. It feels like a lost treasure with a key that could only truly be opened by talking to Pop. I think part of my emotional reaction is not being able to talk to him about the experience. I am not sure how this has shaped me or how this knowledge will play a role in my life.  It is real and painful and unforgettable.  When he died, and I felt opened, maybe it was a way of passing on a desire for my generation to be reconcilers in a world prone to war.

This deeper understanding of Pop’s Air Force service has drawn me closer to him since his passing. When I think of Tom Brokaw’s book, “The Greatest Generation,” I remember my grandfather. I’m thankful that I have lived in relative peace, compared to the world he inherited when he was in his early 20’s and Pearl Harbor put his generation instantly on the path to the deadliest war in human history. Whether soldiers died, like some of his friends, or soldiers survived by dropping bombs on the enemy, I count both as sacrifices. I understand his quiet demeanor more.  

Following the war, he thankfully was able to serve the rest of his life in the peaceful town of Tell City, IN. The stability he provided to our family after his service in World War 2 laid a foundation of success for my mother that has since passed down to my generation and my children.     

Before Pop passed, his first grandson was born – Isaac Rippy Riddle.  I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to honor my grandfather by passing on his family name. May Isaac, like his great grandfather, grow to humbly serve, seeking reconciliation in a complicated world.

Grandfather’s silence
Grieving great fire of World War
Nineteen forty five

Episode 49 – Dr. Bruce and Sally Riddle in Studio E

Eric’s parents, Dr. Bruce and Sally Riddle, join us in Studio E in this penultimate episode of Eric hosting the podcast. Bruce shares his story living with bipolar disorder, discussing the struggle getting through his med school internship and residency. Sally talks through the decision not to share the diagnosis with friends and work contacts for over 40 years. After Bruce’s hospitalization in 2020, they made the decision to share the diagnosis publicly. In this episode, they talk through the experience of 5 decades of marriage and the benefits of finally being able to share with friends and their church.

Some questions explored on this episode:

When did Bruce first start experiencing bipolar symptoms?

How did he navigate the journey to becoming a doctor while struggling through depressive and manic episodes?

How have their relationships with friends changed since deciding to share his diagnosis?

How did their experience prepare them for supporting Eric when he first experienced depression in high school?

What does healing mean to them?

Episode 27 – Restoration and Advocacy with Deborah Geesling

Deborah Geesling, founder of P82 Project Restoration, has a heart for those with serious mental illness. Her family experience has given insight into the serious gaps in the mental health system.

As her advocacy developed, she readily identified housing as being one of the top barriers to obtaining a life with dignity. P82 Project Restoration is an organization created to fulfill the dream of opening a Christ centered home for people who suffer with chronic mental illness.

Her advocacy work has led her to speak at conferences, testify on government panels, and be mentioned in a number of publications.

Tony knows her personally through the Advocates for People with Mental Illness Facebook group.

Topics include:

How has her son’s mental illness impacted her faith development?

How did her advocacy develop?

What is the mission of P82 Project Restoration?

What does healing mean to you?

Shownotes:

P82 Project Restoration – Deborah’s organization

Clearing in the Distance by Witold Rybczynski – book Eric mentioned about landscape architect, Frederick Law Olmsted

Advocates for People with Mental Illness Facebook group – Tony and Deborah participate in this active conversation

Episode 22 – Into the Wilderness with Amie Carey

Welcome to Season 2 of Revealing Voices!

Amie Carey is a mother of 3 from NYC who is passionate about changing the conversation around child and adolescent mental health.  She has been an advocate for families in crisis for about 5 years. Amie wrote a blog about her family’s experience which then morphed into a podcast called “A Girl I Know” to share her story with a broader audience. 

Her oldest daughter, Violet, has struggled with behavioral challenges from a very young age.  It has changed her perspective on children, mental health, and stigma.

The decision for Violet to participate in wilderness therapy and the impact it has had on the family is the focus of the episode.

Topics include:

Describe the experience of wilderness therapy for adolescents.

How did family and friends respond to decision for Violet to participate in this form of therapy?

What changes has Amie witnessed in Violet after her wilderness experience?

Why did Amie decide to start a podcast?

How was the decision made with Violet to share the family’s story publically?

What does healing mean to you?

Shownotes:

NATSAP – National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs

Second Nature Wilderness Family Therapy

“The Journey of the Heroic Parent” book by Brady M. Reedy. One of Amie’s favorite books on parenting.

“On Writing: A Memoir on the Craft” by Stephen King. Mentioned as an excellent book about creativity

Next Episode: Kevin Moore, Director of State of Indiana’s Division of Mental Health and Addiction (DMHA)

Episode 1 – Faithful Family

Our guests today are Jen Riddle (Eric’s wife) and April Cohen (Tony’s sister).

April graduated with a B.A. in Nursing from University of Indianapolis in 1997. She has worked 21 years in the field of psychiatric nursing, both in-patient and out-patient. In addition to being Tony’s sister and principal caregiver, she is married to Dan Cohen. The two of them have 5 children and 5 grandchildren. Her favorite form of therapy is bargain shopping.
Jen is a recent graduate of Christian Theological Seminary in Indianapolis, IN.  For nearly 15 years, she has worked with children with autism and their families.  She is an elder at The Living Room non-denominational church in Columbus, IN.  A native of Buffalo, she enjoyed watching the Bills NFL playoff run this year!
On this episode, Jen and April discuss what drew them into their spiritual and healing professions. April shares what it is like to care for an adult brother who has bipolar disorder, and Jen reveals how she and Eric navigate a relationship with a mental health diagnosis.

Faithful Family

April Roberts Cohen was born, um, er, well, two years before I was. Her name was going to be Karen, but when she was born April 9, our parents were divinely inspired to name her April. From a human perspective, this helped them remember her birthday.

As mentioned, I came along two years later. From an early age, April assumed the role of surrogate mother. She was exceptionally caring. At three she was found to have taken me off the bed and was cuddling me with her blanket. It can’t be proven, but I think she dropped me on my head in the transition. That would explain a lot, anyway.
Our lives followed distinct paths, but merged when I was diagnosed with a mental illness and she became a psychiatric nurse. Now, in addition to being my sister-friend, she helps me monitor my moods and meds, advocates for me in the often complex world of mental health care, and encourages me in my walk with Christ.
Perhaps the greatest thing I can say about April is I have made her my medical power of attorney. I literally trust her with my life and death.

Jen Anne (Johnston) Riddle and I met in April 2009 while I was visiting my sister in Boston.  Jen was my sister’s roommate.  I was there to see my sister run in the Boston Marathon.  They were part of an intentional Christian community and I was the lucky man who had brother privileges. I stayed in an empty room next to Jen’s room. About a year later, we struck up daily phone conversations that led me to two more Boston trips for long weekends of dating around the city. Our first kiss was in a public park in Salem, Massachusetts. You may say I was bewitched.

She had courageously left Boston to live close to me in Columbus, IN in August 2010.  She was able to transfer Masters of Divinity credits to Christian Theological Seminary and continue her career working with children with autism.

In 2012, I proposed to Jen in a labyrinth in Bloomington, IN.  My youngest sister secretly hid behind bushes about 100 feet away and took pictures. Jen left the labyrinth with a ring on her finger.
The picture above was taken in October 2017 during our 5 year wedding anniversary trip.  The labyrinth is carved into a gentle sloping hill at Kent University in Canterbury, England.  In the background is the Canterbury Cathedral.
Jen is now an elder at The Living Room church in Columbus, IN.  She continues to serve children with autism. She is very good at what she does, including being an incredible wife.

Out of the Silence, Like Prayers

Today we recorded our first interview! April (Tony’s sister) and Jen (my wife) joined Tony and me in our new studio- made official with the addition of a new IKEA conference table. The recording sounds excellent.  We had a scare after taking an intermission, but thanks to power of the “Undo”, recovered the recording.

Earlier in the week, Tony and I decided that the standard question we will ask all guests is “What does healing mean to you?”  The question worked really well today and generated great discussion that rippled throughout the interview.  I’m really satisfied with that question because it is a strong connecting point between faith and mental healthcare communities.  From my perspective, the faith and mental healthcare communities are the primary healing elements of society.  A goal of the podcast is to help bridge the conflict and misunderstanding that exists between these two areas. Read More

StoryCorps

My sister Suzanne came over this morning to do a recording of a StoryCorps interview.  The focus was on discussing my mental health journey. We touched on faith, advocacy, self stigma, and building trusting relationships.  This is something that I’ve been talking about recording for over a year.  It was good to dig into the StoryCorps app and understand how it works.  It was basically one hour of preparation to understand the app and create questions, then 45 minutes to record (45 minute recording is the max!)

Some things that I learned:

Read More