Author

About the Author
After graduating from Louisville Presbyterian Seminary (LPTS), Tony served over 18 years in pastoral ministry while battling bipolar disorder. He now is a Mental Health Minister serving as Chief Shepherd for Delight in Disorder Ministries. He has written two books — Delight in Disorder and When Despair Meets Delight.

A Pandemic Prayer Journal

March 23, 2020 Tony Roberts Behind the Scenes Comments Off on A Pandemic Prayer Journal

March 20, 9 a.m.

Me: Hey V., how are you weathering this virus crisis?”

V:  We are doing ok. A little more depressed. That is normal. It is affecting almost everyone. Worried about seeing our retirement being wiped out. I have a back up plan. If things get to the point I cannot handle it , I will end my life. That is my back up plan for anything that is totally overwhelmingly. I cannot control it. I know I am not the only senior this is happening to. I know what it is like to barely have what I need. I am grateful for what have had and what I have, but I am at the point in my life there is no way of replenishing my savings and no one to be there for us. We do not have family. I do have a brother , but even if he could , he would not help. I do pray he will be ok. Very high risk. He lives in another state. Have not seen him in almost 6 years. We were never close. I know God has always helped me and my husband find a way , but your options are limited when you reach a certain age. I have people say that when this is over the market will rebound. We will not live long enough to recoup what we lost. All I want is enough money to have what I need and may be some small things I want. Nothing extravagant. I want to know I can replace my roof or furnace if I need it . We depended on our 401k for emergency expenses like these. No if we have anything left we will have even less because of the taxes they take. Can not win for losing. You have to have money. I am not in love with it. I just do not want to go back to not having what I need.

Me:  Oh V., my heart breaks for you. I can’t even imagine the desperation you feel. I want to say, “No wait, I’ll rescue you.” Or at least pray, “God send her a rescuer.” I can offer no simply solution. All I can do is urge you to not give up hope.

V:  Thank you. I appreciate this very much. It is something that is impacting a lot of average. Not only do the seniors have to be concerned about contracting the virus they have to worry about their finances being wiped out.

Me:  Yes. I know several in similar positions. Well, V., take care of yourself as best you can.

March 20, 10:12 a.m.

How to prepare without panic.

I’ve been ruminating on this for over a week now. Some say it’s too late, a handful that it’s too soon. Experts say it will get much, much worse before it gets better. While anxiety is not my go-to diagnosis, you’d have to be in a coma to not be concerned.

Last night I began shopping on Amazon for survival supplies. Tuna. Protein supplement. Dried fruit. Canned veggies. A friend of mine who is an expert in preparedness advised me to keep 2-3 weeks worth of supplies on hand and start replenishing them regularly on-line. I noticed that Amazon now has a monthly subscription option on food items. The pantry was closed by the time I got there, though.

As a man of faith, I have both peace about the future and urgency about the present. What can I do to shine Light in the darkness, point to the Way that leads to Life? Who is hurting the most? How do we triage souls?

One thing I need to heed is the message I have been sharing my friends and family wherever I can reach them.

Receive care for yourself as you care for others.

March 20, 10:45 a.m.

Susan continues to forge ahead with her many vital work commitments.

Education doesn’t take a vacation.

Prisoners need something worthwhile to take their minds off the reality that they will have no visitors, that volunteers will be restricted from coming in.

College students need to prepare to care for future generations who will live on long past this virus crisis. If we want to one day leave the world a better place, we need to invest our hearts in equipping those who will follow us.

I pray for these things as I sit at Susan’s side in our shared study, looking out the window at the birds on the feeders and the squirrels in the tree. Briley lays beside me and prays in her own way.

We hope to one day break the bonds of social distance handcuffs and frolic freely with family and friends, but for now we will love virtually.

Receive God’s care, even as you care for others.

March 20, 12:22 p.m.

I’m so glad dogs are resistant to Coronavirus. Briley is a rescue. I rescued her so she could rescue me.

March 20, 6:17 p.m.

The doctor has advised me to be in self-isolation for seven days as we treat a suspected bacterial infection.

On the scale of universal problems, this doesn’t even constitute First World.

First World problems are…

Getting laid off from work… Being separated from your loved ones because of travel restrictions… Becoming suicidal from severe panic attacks… Contracting the virus or watching a loved one contract it.

No, seven days to focus on my writing and reach out to people I love poses zero problems at all.

March 20, 9:34 p.m.

I’ve been contacting family, friends, and acquaintances from all over the country with this question:

How are you weathering this virus crisis?

Responses vary widely… From a man trying to share strong hope with his wife and daughter… to the senior who expects to lose her life savings and sees death as the only relief… to the young man working in a relatively isolated call center grateful for work and safety… to the mom of four, including two fosters, laughing and crying through the chaos.

We will survive these trying times. We really will. And we will be better, because we will have learned that the only way to move forward is not to climb over each other, but to walk together.

March 21, 5 p.m.

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

“The Peace of Wild Things” by Wendell Berry.

March 22, 2:13 p.m.

There is word that my state (IN) will go on lock-down today. No one knows for how long. We are moving a deep freeze into our basement this afternoon to store perishable items. The grocery stores are packed with more people than supplies. They are breeding grounds for the virus. The waiting period for having food delivered from is almost a week. Amazon will ship food and supplies, but they are also back also back ordered on many items. It’s a damn shame, but the panic is prompted people to put themselves first rather than look out for others.

It is Sunday. I will be listening to messages from two friends who are gifted pastors “for such a time as this.” I’ve been trying so hard to pour myself into Hope for Troubled Minds, I need to replenish my own. It has been a blessing, though, to reach out to folks with Good News that will endure beyond this pandemic. Today we’re recording a special episode of Revealing Voices called “Passing Peace in a Pandemic.”

How can I offer spiritual touch from a safe distance?

Tony and Eric

Keynoting at Best Practices for Ministry: Heartland Conference

October 7, 2018 Tony Roberts Behind the Scenes Comments Off on Keynoting at Best Practices for Ministry: Heartland Conference

This Wednesday (October 10, 2018) is World Mental Health Day. We are honored to be keynote speakers at the at the Best Practices for Ministry: Heartland Conference held at St. Peter’s Lutheran in Columbus, Indiana.

The topic of our presentation will be healing. Here is the program description:

What does healing mean to you? How can it be received and maintained?  Eric Riddle and Tony Roberts have tackled this issue in an intimate way as they wrestle with mental health diagnoses. In Eric’s pivotal work with the flood recovery effort, he discovered how to serve his way to sanity. Tony turned inward, writing a spiritual memoir called, Delight in Disorder: Ministry, Madness, Mission. Eric and Tony then teamed up to found a faith-based mental health support group Faithful Friends. They were then led to produce Revealing Voices, a podcast that is faith-based, peer-led, story-driven, and stigma-breaking.

      Eric and Tony will discuss how God them into mental health ministry, where they find Christ’s strength in their own weaknesses, and what the Holy Spirit can do when believers reach out to those with troubled minds.

Our hope is that we will cultivate a greater sense of healing within and among those who participate and that this healing would spread as they are sent back into their communities to love God and serve God’s people.

To Edit or Not to Edit

August 6, 2018 Tony Roberts Behind the Scenes Comments Off on To Edit or Not to Edit

Back in October of 2017, when Eric & I were conceiving Revealing Voices, we discussed both our dreams and visions as well as pragmatic concerns: format, length, equipment, cost. One question we raised was how frequently we would release episodes. We kicked around a number of possibilities. We discussed how much time we could invest. We looked at podcasts dealing with similar subjects and having similar budgets (none). Shows like CXMH, The Depression Files,  Waking Up Bipolar, and The Dark Place.

We knew a few things with certainty:

A steady schedule. It frustrates us as listeners to get episodes weekly then not for months.

A realistic schedule. Eric has many essential life commitments. My own mental health has comes first.

Our faithful friendship must outweigh the podcast. If the demands jeopardized this, we would cancel.

With these priorities in mind, we settled on a magical number of every other week, with the option to take a planned break as needed. My therapist recommended 20/year as a goal, so we’ve had this in our minds as we entered into our first session. To date, we have released 12 episodes in just 5 months. We even took a hiatus in July for travel, family, and work commitments.

It wasn’t easy at first, especially not for Eric, who bore the lion’s share with editing. While learning the ropes, early episodes took up to 8 hours to edit. This was put a great strain on sustaining the schedule. I wanted to help more, but had panic attacks just sitting down to help edit.

But by God’s grace, we made it through. Technique became smoother. I developed a system of logging and rating that helped Eric with technical editing. We put more interviews in the bank we could draw from. Before long we were in a groove.

With the success of two unedited episodes, we are positioned stronger than ever. Confident in our quality. Eager to schedule interviews with more local leaders and national experts.

We look forward to continuing with the show schedule and bringing you mostly edited interviews and some unedited episodes with the two of us when inevitably crunched for time.

As always, we welcome your feedback and show ideas!

 

Healing to you, … and you, and you…

July 2, 2018 Tony Roberts What Does Healing Mean to You? Comments Off on Healing to you, … and you, and you…

On each episode, we ask our guests, “What does healing mean to you?”  You can directly submit your responses here.

Recently, we reached out to our listeners to give their responses to the question:

Accepting your illness. Doing everything you can to help your illness.  ~ Robin Patton Fleming. (Hartselle, Alabama)

It’s a process that never ends. ~ Jon Myers. (Columbus, Indiana)

Healing from mental illness means reluctant acceptance of the many changes and limitations. ~ Laura Pagliano. (Baltimore, Maryland)

To recover from, to put something right, to relieve. Something that will soothe, make better. ~ Deva Richey. (Indianapolis, Indiana)

Wholeness. The Greek word in the gospels for healing is also translated, “make whole.” Your faith has “made you whole.” ~ Jeff Fields. (Lexington, Kentucky)

Restoration of my independence which allows me to be more useful for the Kingdom. ~ Joshua Gerard Detwiler. (Glasgow, United Kingdom)

Ultimately, Heaven. For now, removal of affliction (or perhaps enabling to deal with it better.) ~ Mike Lee. (Salem, Oregon)

As someone who lives with epilepsy, healing is difficult to explain. My body has not been healed but my soul rejoices nonetheless. ~ Sarah Richey.

Healing is a process in which we come to re-member. ~ Robert Retherford. (Aztec, New Mexico)

Healing is a multi-step process. From the initial painful hurt onto the much more cathartic anger and then finally landing at not caring about what caused the initial injury. ~ Jaime Coffman. (Greenwood, Indiana)

Healing means peace. Well perhaps the end result is peace after healing. ~ Patti Lux Matthews. (Indianapolis, Indiana)

From my medical/health care mind-set it means to make whole again.  ~ Kathy Hopkins Dile. (Indianapolis, Indiana)

Feeling whole and complete within myself. I find healing through forgiveness. I reach forgiveness always when given a sincere apology from others. ~ Angela Kurtz Ankney. (Franklin, Indiana)

Maybe healing means relief? Relief that someone is taking my problems seriously and wants to help me… ~ Amanda Irene Schultz. (Columbus, Indiana)

Dealing with brokenness in one’s life through prayer. After time, feeling at peace about the situation because the Lord gave you understanding about why that part of your life happened. It’s fighting on your knees against the Devil and letting him know that he does not, and will not, win! Sometimes it’s standing on your feet and speaking Truth out loud against the Devil, that helps us in the healing process. ~ Elizabeth Raduns. (Webster, New York)

I don’t know that you can always heal. Often scars are left behind. I think it’s coming to terms with a situation and developing coping skills to deal with the pain. ~ Jeanne Jordan. (Dale, Texas)

My wife’s touch is healing. Not in a dramatic and “laying on of hands” way but a simple gesture of care. ~ Craig Willers. (Ewa Beach, Hawaii)

Healing is both spiritual as well as physical. God is necessary in this process. I call on him for any type of healing. ~ Susie Harmon Johnson (Greenwood, Indiana)

When you feel that God is saying, I am with you no matter what the outcome. I will be with you every step of the way. Just have faith. It is the way. I know the best for you.

Ultimately, healing is about shalom. It is a movement (always and infinitely) toward union and communion with God that restores our hearts, minds, bodies, and souls. And then, works its way out into our relationship and into our communities, bringing healing and reconciliation. ~ Brandon Andress. (Columbus, Indiana)

Moving forward. Learning to accept me and grow the way God wants me to grow. It’s not always smooth or easy or comfortable, but I trust that God will walk with me regardless. Healing is a journey filled with questions, but not by yourself. The answers unfold as you go. ~ Jan Hoffman. (Fort Wayne, Indiana)

Healing is looking past the pain and seeing the future that God has planned for you. It doesn’t mean moving on. It means moving forward. ~ Marie Clyburn Pendleton. (Greenwood, Indiana)

A Faithful Response to Suicide

June 12, 2018 Tony Roberts Behind the Scenes Comments Off on A Faithful Response to Suicide

I am a man of faith who has attempted suicide. As such, I feel a unique responsibility to share my story. I want to stress that this is my own story. Not the story of Kate Spade. Anthony Bourdain. Robin Williams. Or the countless others who don’t make the news. Still, maybe my story will contribute to a better understanding of how someone like me could choose death over life.

First, my own story. In high school, I was a star athlete and a stellar student. I gave a speech at my high school graduation and shared a poem by Edwin Arlington Robinson called, “Richard Cory.” It begins:

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.
And ends…
So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.

I talked about faith as the “missing ingredient” to provide us the will to live. What I didn’t say is that in spite of my own faith, I wrestled inside with a profound sense of meaninglessness. All I seemed to be in the eyes of others was vanity. Sheer vanity.

I took this nagging sense of “phoniness” (as Holden Caulfield might put it) with me to college. Therapy was not a preferred course of treatment in the early 80s. Frat parties were. So instead of psychotropics, I imbibed copious amounts of beer. Whenever I began to feel the angst of meaninglessness, I would drink something to make me laugh at the foolishness of life or smoke something that unveiled the creative connectivity of the universe. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Fast forward to when I became a husband. A pastor. A father. I was suddenly thrust into roles with no script. I was terrified. I turned to a therapist. Then a psychiatrist. I started taking psychotropics which did neither good nor harm. At first. Then we found one that picked me up. And kept me up. Night and day. Day and night. Over 125 hours of brain-racing, vision-seeing, voice-hearing, roller coaster riding mania. Later, they would call this medication-induced psychosis.

Did the psych meds cause my mental illness? Doubtful. More likely, they set off an early warning signal that prompted me to get help.

In spite of this episode, my faith remained firm. I just had to re-exam it. The voice I was hearing was not God’s.  The inspiration I received was not divine revelation. If I felt ecstatic, it was not God’s favor. If I felt despair, it was not God’s judgement. All these things were part of my experience, but my core identity was that I was a child of God. A child who, like other children, had special blessings and unique challenges to make it through life.

By the grace of God, I remained in pastoral ministry for another dozen years after my psychotic episode. These were fruitful years and I found myself with the opportunity to advance in my ministerial career. “Climb the ecclesiastical ladder,” as some put it. I was thrilled by the prospect and poured myself wholeheartedly into the task. I sacrificed my family and my mental health in an effort to be the Savior I had lost sight of.

But I felt no despair. Maybe I buried it, like everything else, under a pile of papers on my desk or stacks of half-consumed coffee cups around the office.

One Saturday night, as I was walking home, I began to feel queasy. I thought I had the flu. So I called someone to preach for me the next day. I went to bed and suddenly heard a voice that said, “It’s okay.”

Had I been in my right mind, I may have found this reassuring. God telling me through an inner voice, “It is well with my soul.” Instead, I heard it as Divine permission to kill myself. So I tried. And it didn’t work. Thanks be to God.

It’s been over a decade now since my suicide attempt. I’ve had plenty of time to reflect on it, to feel its impact, to explore it, to pick it apart. I’ve spent countless hours in therapy coming to terms with it. I wrote a book on it (Delight in Disorder) in an effort to reach others who may be struggling with similar circumstances.

So, what have I learned? How does my own suicide attempt contribute to an understanding of the suicides we hear so much about, as well as the vast numbers we don’t? And, what can we do to best create a climate where suicide is less common than every 15 minutes? Here are three modest proposals:

  1. When someone seems to have it all together, they may be most at risk. Rather than idolize them, offer prayers for them. We often demand the most from people who have the least left to give.
  2. Fund independent research for pharmaceuticals that are affordable and effective. Major drug companies are not making better drugs; they are marketing more profitable ones.
  3. Integrate faith, therapy, and psychiatry so they function more as a three-cord strand rather than ropes pulling the most vulnerable apart.

These three things may seem beyond the reach of any one individual. And, they are. We will need foster a healing community that provides help for the hurting. At the same time, we can each do our part.

Before I started writing this, I shared a Facebook update that I would be addressing the subject as a person of faith who has attempted suicide. Immediately, I got a message from a friend, “Are you okay?”

This simple act took less than 5 minutes of her time. And it took place on what is often a poorly misused social media. The point is, however, she was alert to a potential risk and reached out.

The more we cultivate the care involved in connecting with the unconnected, the less likely they will be to disconnect.

{originally published in Delight on Disorder blog}

Does Awareness Really Shatter Stigma?

May 19, 2018 Tony Roberts Behind the Scenes Comments Off on Does Awareness Really Shatter Stigma?

Some weeks back, Eric asked me to write a piece for Mental Health Awareness Month (May). I thought I would wait for inspiration. It’s now May 18 and inspiration has not arrived. In the words of Jack London, “You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” So I sit here banging on the letters of my keyboard, intent on making you aware of mental health.

Recently, many celebrities are touting mental health as they share their personal history with mental illness and/or mental health issues. Action movie star Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Singer Mariah Carey. Even Prince Harry. Mental health struggles are shared by the homeless immigrant and the Hollywood idol.

I’ve wondered for some time what happens when mental illness assumes the spotlight. When famous persons talk about their anxiety, their depression, their mania, does it serve to reduce stigma or does it increase the demanding expectations on those with severe mental illness?

If Prince Harry can get through his grief and still smile at royal functions, why can’t you get out of bed and take a shower?

If Kay Redfield Jamison can channel her manic depression to become one of the world’s leading experts on bipolar disorder, why can’t you finish a simple assignment?

The benefit of high achievers opening up about their emotional struggles is that we can be reassured that we are not alone, that we are not any less a human being for having a mental health diagnosis. The danger is that we berate ourselves for not being more like them.

As a writer, I have a plethora of role models who exhibited inordinate disordered behaviors. But I can’t expect I will compose epic tales like Tolstoy, plot like Poe, or poetic verse like Plath. Still, I do find comfort we are following the voice of a related muse.

Mental Health awareness month is not about competing for who has the most debilitating condition or who is conquering it the best. It’s about recognizing that no matter who we are, no matter what we do, we are of one common stock. The more we stand up, the less others have to fall.

The Plight of Lady Manic (a poem by Katie Dale)

April 12, 2018 Tony Roberts Guests Comments Off on The Plight of Lady Manic (a poem by Katie Dale)

“Listen,” she said. “Hear me,” she whispered.

Voices in her head validated what she heard.

Even with proven logic she was stirred,

The possibilities were too great to have deferred.

 

Tangible in spirit, angels gathered near,

And the devils followed them there, itching to hear.

The reality of the unseen wasn’t something to fear,

It was the lust for the untouchable hurdles she wanted to clear.

 

Lady Manic, she was known, to the shrewd and cunning Mister.

Sir Madness, her unmatched suitor, he wouldn’t resist her.

She played to his schemes, his subtle plans enthralled her.

Soon, according to Sir Madness, only he could call her.

 

Flirting with the master of irresistible temptations,

She laid open to twirling thoughts and tantalizing elations.

Like a phantom of her mind’s secret infatuations,

She succumbed to be found in questionable situations.

 

Once he lifted her too high, she panicked at the height,

She braved the quickening sensations amidst the fright.

At first glance it was glee in anyone’s unwitting sight,

Until it was too late to do anything but fall from the flight.

 

Perhaps she was naive, overzealous and of youth,

Perhaps he was too masterful for her mind to tell the truth.

 

Whichever way it was, it was now in hindsight error,

The affection they once shared was now a twisted terror.

 

Should she be prey to his next violent plan,

She couldn’t save herself, no one could, not any man.

 

The step after delight could be more than insanity,

The logical plan to follow was the bane of humanity:

 

Depths of loathing and sorrow crawled out from the pit of Hell,

In shrouds of darkness they came moaning, cleverly casted like a spell.

 

This misery appeared inevitable to keep her from her Lord’s Heaven,

It seemed the day turned into night without her knowing when.

For nights came for days and try as she might will then,

No amount of pulling by her bootstraps would let her go again.

 

Now the words fled her mind and mouth where joy once filled,

Meaning evaded her spirit, whose strength none could rebuild.

Confusion mounted its cavalry and crafted artillery from its guild,

Here the war on her psyche ambushed, her sanity, all but killed.

 

Abandoned by her guide to the skies and traitor to the pit,

She remembered her chance given before so again she sought it.

 

In the lion’s lair she knew who else had gone ahead,

The sacrifice that died to pay the ransom on her head.

She surged her strength to call upon the name of Him once dead,

“Give me my life, You paid my price, redeem my life instead!”

 

The only One who was there for her from birth swiftly came,

The test was passed and she could leave the dungeon of her shame.

Alas Sir Madness could not call on her, he had no viable claim,

Since all along she was betrothed to the Lord of Lords: Jesus, was His name.

 

Victory crowned Him, from overcoming Sir Madness and his lies,

Lady Manic was no longer known as Manic but as Wise.

The deception that once bewitched her could no longer rise,

Since she set her sights on nothing but her truthful Savior’s eyes.

 

“Listen,” she said. “Hear Him,” she whispered.

Voices left her head and love was all she heard.

The sound of her heart was true of the passion that was stirred,

Each beat was hope fulfilled and was no longer deferred.

Katie Dale — What Healing Means

April 12, 2018 Tony Roberts Guests, What Does Healing Mean to You? Comments Off on Katie Dale — What Healing Means

Healing is definitely the hand of God on my mind – I consider that I’m healed as it pertains to the elimination of symptoms and side effects. I take medication daily and believe that’s the course God has set me on for a personal healing of bipolar disorder. I don’t have the symptoms – praise God. However, I want to be clear that I recognize I’ll always have bipolar disorder this side of heaven, tempered and treated by medication. I don’t think I’m healed, as in, cured. That is a different thing altogether. To be cured would be like a deliverance of it, but that’s not possible. People aren’t usually cured miraculously of most disorders or illnesses. That’s just not a typical healing. But God has graciously given me the exact dosage of medication I need to function and thrive in life, and for that I know He sustains me, upholds me, and maintains my sound mind. To me, that is healing.

~ Katie R. Dale

Bipolar Brave

Tony Roberts – What Healing Means

April 12, 2018 Tony Roberts What Does Healing Mean to You? Comments Off on Tony Roberts – What Healing Means
What does healing mean to me?
Before we can be healed we first have to recognize we are ill. I have a deathly sin-sick condition; I desperately need Christ’s healing touch. This condition affects my whole life: spiritual, physical, emotional, relational. God heals me in His own good time, and only fully heals me in the life to come. My job is to participate in healing through vigilant prayer and faithful care.
As one with a mental health diagnosis, I have often faced the stigma of professing believers who think my condition would magically disappear if I had sincere faith. That I can pray it away. My response? I have tried. Many times. And I have come to discover purpose in having a mental illness — to rely on the all-sufficient grace of God and to share this amazing grace with others.
~ Tony Roberts

Tony Roberts is Delighting in Disorder

March 28, 2018 Tony Roberts Behind the Scenes Comments Off on Tony Roberts is Delighting in Disorder

My Story

In 1995, I was a young, ambitious pastor serving a small village church.  One Sunday, I delivered a sermon on human illness and divine healing in which I shared these words:

When we become ill, it is important to listen to our bodies and pray that God help us make necessary changes. Our ailments may be blessings in disguise. We may be expecting too much from ourselves, or avoiding things we need to face. As we listen to our bodies, talk and reflect with others, and pray together, we can gain spiritual insight which will help us live healthier, more productive, more abundant lives.

The next day, I was in the seclusion room of a psychiatric hospital. I was told I had bipolar disorder, that I would never work as a pastor again, that my marriage would likely end, and that I would spend the rest of my life in and out of psychiatric hospitals.

By the grace of God and with much help from many others, I served another dozen years of fruitful ministry, was married “for better and for worse” for twenty three years and have mostly progressed in treatment to enjoy what my psychiatrist calls “maintenance remission.”

My Message

Having served over twenty years in ministry while wrestling with a serious mental illness, I have a message of Good News to share. This is not just positive affirmation meant to cover up feelings and shame and fear.  It is not something I’ve picked up from one of the countless self-help books on the ABCs of analysis and treatment. It is certainly not that I have attained victory over bipolar through divine intervention alone and I no longer need medication or therapy.

The Good News we have to share is instead the hope that, with Christ’s saving grace, the hellish impact of mental illness will be bearable. God is with me even in the darkest valleys of despair. Nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ. Our hope, the Good News is that God has a purpose for our lives. And when we carry this hope, we find fellowship with others who struggle; we are emboldened to fight the stigma that often leads to dangerous silence; we find a measure of peace even during the worst moment that things will get better. We don’t know when, or how. Maybe not even in this life. But things will get better.

My Mission

Many people with mental illness are angry at God, at believers and at faith communities.  People within churches struggle to understand mental illness to connect what medical advances about brain chemistry with Truth revealed in Scripture.  I have lived in both worlds and wrestle daily with my dual identity as a Christian who has a serious mental illness.

My mission is to bridge the distance between faith and mental illness — fostering faith among those with disorders and diagnoses and promoting compassion within the faith community.  Sharing my spiritual memoir is the first step towards this mission.

Won’t you join me on this mission? Pray for those impacted by mental illness. Recruit them to share their stories within your sanctuaries. If you have a mental illness, set aside your assumptions and walk into a church one Sunday or ask to go with a Christian you know.

When we do these things, we reclaim our godly mission through the madness of the world.